| It was 1955, I was a bride of eighteen beginning a new life filled with the innocence and trust of that era. We were living in a second floor apartment and it did not take long before our place, though sparse on furnishings, was comfortable and my attention was turning to all the cute babies that seemed to be everywhere. Soon we too were expecting a child, but in spite of all the excitement and my doctors assurances that all was well, a growing sense that all was not well began to fill me. Though I tried to tell myself this was a normal concern, the belief that I would never bring my baby home grew stronger each month. Stephen was born March fifteenth, a healthy beautiful boy the doctor informed me minutes after his birth and he certainly looked wonderful to me, still my fears persisted. Later that night after all the long distance good wishes from family and friends, alone in my room I felt like an imposter pretending all was well, finally falling into a troubled sleep. Early the next morning the pediatrician came to my room. From the look on his face I braced myself for what I was afraid was coming. He said he had just come from examining Stephen and was sorry to tell me that he strongly suspected my baby had Down Syndrome. He explained that he would be profoundly retarded and would probably die before his first birthday. What ever else he said I did not hear, numbness seemed to fill my mind and body. My only thought was that he might be wrong, he must be wrong! Later that day our baby was examined by another doctor and the diagnosis did not change nor did the prognosis. It was agreed by the doctors and my family that he should be placed in a home equipped to handle “these children” and that I should put him out of my mind and go on with my life! My husband and my father took Stephen to a home somewhere, I was not told where and I left the hospital without my baby. Looking back I have often wondered why I was so compliant in following their wishes. Was it my immaturity and a belief that professionals and my elders knew best, or a hidden fear of my not being sure I could cope. What I did know was if I had the strength to follow my heart, I would never have given him up. The next months were the most painful I have ever known. I tried to keep busy and get on with my life, but all I could think of was my baby. I often fantasized that I found him and carried him off, I was never sure to where. That summer we moved across the state to where we had family, and though Stephen was always in my thoughts, my spirits picked up considerably being near loved ones. I was pregnant again that fall and expecting in June, despite the earlier warnings of specialists that our chances of having another Down Syndrome baby would be high. This time I had none of the ominous feelings of my last pregnancy, the concerns I had were more normal and were fleeting. Every day was filled with a wonderful excitement and sense of anticipation, I even decorated the nursery, something I did not do before. On February ninth I awoke feeling happy and looking forward to all the good things that were planned for the day, not realizing the events of the next twenty- four hours would change my life forever. As the day wore on a strange heaviness began to fill me and seemed to settle around my heart. All the plans that I had looked forward to now just seemed to be something to get through. I was thankful when evening finally came and I could get into bed and let sleep rescue me from the sadness that all day I had not been able to escape. Sleep did not come and I finally went into the living room where I could cry and not wake my husband. What was wrong with me? I searched my mind looking for answers. Was I worried about the baby I was now carrying? No that was not it. I went through every imaginable possibility but could find no answers. My husband came looking for me, finding me crying, hearing my distress and confusion and knowing this was behavior he had never seen before, now left both of us feeling helpless. Morning brought no relief, if anything my heart felt heavier. My husband called from work to see how I was and though I was in no mood to go anywhere or see anyone, I promised him I would get out of the house and be with people. The grocery store seemed as good a place as any, there I could be with people without needing to talk. That is where I found myself gazing absently into the meat display, and if my next experience were not so profound, it would seem humorous. Suddenly in the time it takes to exhale, the heaviness in my heart lifted and I was left with a feeling of joy. Stunned, I looked up to see the clock and noted the time so I could tell my husband when this strange happening took place. It was 3:10 p.m. When he came home from work he knew all was well as soon as he saw my face. Before he could take off his coat, I was telling him how the heaviness lifted at 3:10 p.m. and the wonderful feeling of joy that came over me. I think he even made some joke about what was really in that meat counter! It was not long before the phone call came. They said that Stephen had been very sick all-night and passed away sometime around 3:00 p.m. this afternoon. My grief was intense and however well-meaning, there was no consolation in hearing from others “this is for the best”. I did not want Stephen to be gone. His death and the strange happenings of the last twenty-four hours were all I could think about. What was the connection, I asked everyone, and the closest I came to an answer was “mothers sometimes know when their children are in trouble”. The truth was I had not thought of Stephen or the possibility of his being ill, and how could I know of something happening hundreds of miles away? What troubled me most was why did I feel joy at the moment of his death, I did not want him to die. Death was the worst thing that could happen, wasn’t it? It’s the end. Nothing made sense to me. So began my search, not to prove something I wanted to believe, but to find answers to what I could not believe. Unlike today there was very little in print, but I read everything I could get my hands on. Much of it left me confused and with few answers, but I continued searching. They say “When the student is ready the teacher will appear”. One day a friend told me about The Association for Research and Enlightenment and I began studying everything I could on the Edgar Cayce readings. So much of it felt strangely familiar as though I was remembering truths I had forgotten. Wonderful truths like who we are and why we are here. With it came the peace of remembering my true heritage. I now understood why on that day I felt joy. Though my perception on a conscious level separated me from Stephen, my spirit never ceased being with him, nor did my heart, and when his little body became too tired, his spirit left, filled with the joy of going home. The next years brought many blessings into our lives, the greatest being the births of a healthy son and daughter. Stephen was still very much in my thoughts and as I watched my children grow I often wondered how he was growing, who took care of him and was he happy. I felt in my heart all was well but never had any contact with him. That is until one day as I was awakening from an afternoon nap I felt his presence and clearly heard him speak to me, but I was physically unable to answer. It was as though I and my body were not connected. I struggled to respond, but when I finally could, he was gone. Another time Stephen joined us on a family vacation. I began to sense his presence beside me in the car, but told no one. I soon learned I was not alone in this awareness, when my son who was fairly young at the time, said to me from the back seat, “Mom, I keep thinking someone is sitting next to you”. That was many years ago. My children are grown now and I like to think I have grown too. Perhaps that was the reason Stephen came, for because of his life I learned of a reality that has enriched each day of my life. Some day we will all be together, but for now I am content in knowing our spirits have no boundaries nor does our love, for love is of the spirit and continues to flow between us. Yet the more of these happenings I experienced the more I wanted to learn and understand. By the 70’s and 80’s metaphysical teachings was becoming more available in print and by the 90’s it became a popular subject in books and the media. Soon my shelves were overflowing and I was coming to the realization that regardless of the sect, ism or path, they were all saying basically the same thing. Then in 1992 everything I had ever read was literally brought home to me. That summer my daughter heard that a well known psychic channeler Judy Burkhammer would be giving readings in a city a few hours away and decided to make an appointment. She was so impressed with her reading that she asked Judy if she would consider giving readings closer to where she lived and that she would be happy to make all the arrangements and scheduling. The only down side of her reading was a message to give to her mother and that was “ To go to a doctor and have her blood checked” When my daughter called and told me this I must say I was a little unnerved. Though I was due for a check up and other then all the old age symptoms I had begun experiencing, I felt ok, but I made an appointment. To make a long story short, my blood test showed my thyroid level was extremely low and shortly after taking one little pill, once a day that my doctor prescribed I miraculously lost all my “Old Age Symptoms”. In time all the arrangements were made for Judy to come to town and before I knew it my home was chosen to be the site of the readings. What I first saw as a dubious honor was to become one of the highlights of my life for I got to know Judy and Titus. If you are not familiar with channeling let me explain. Judy, or “The Small One” as Titus referred to her, was the physical receiver for Titus who was no longer on the physical plane but spoke thru her. Judy soon began coming often as her reputation spread and her readings were in demand. It was a special time not just for those who were lucky enough to receive readings, but for those of us who were lucky enough to have Judy and Titus in our lives. Sadly Judy passed from the physical plane in 2003, but not before she and Titus accomplished what they came to do, “To give information and truth to people” He wanted these teachings to be called, The Book Of Truth. It is now online and can be reached at St-Titus.com and then click on The Book Of Truth.
Titus: The purpose of this book is to bring to the everyday living consciousness knowledge to help remove fear of death, to take stock of life and to move forward in a happy merry way, understanding and embracing God as the creator of all living consciousness whether it be upon the earth or it be in other galaxies.
It is my sincere desire to help spread these universal truths of who we are, why we are here and all that awaits us.
Say no goodbyes to those we love,
Though they have passed from view.
Our mortal eyes seem not to see
The truth that our hearts do.
That love is of the spirit,
It exists beyond these shores,
And love still flows between us,
Now and forever more. |
If you have any questions about what you have just read I may be reached at contact@thereisnodeath.info.